Still Life: Bed
This is a still life poem (on behalf of Jack's exercise):
Bed
by Donald Illich
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posted by Don at 7:21 PM
3 Comments:
Jakck,
The poem is basically a word picture of all the text that was on my bed. It was originally called "What's on My Bed," but of course "Bed" is a better title. I tried to sort of cut and paste different words together, make the poem into a cubist portrait and hope that some interesting combinations came together. It was written kind of quickly, as I wrote down language I saw as I leaned over different books on my mattress.
How could it be revised? I think some of the lines result in better juxtapositions -- for example, the ones about "Robert" and "Pinsky" which also have lines from Sara Teasdale. I think they're funny, but they also say something about the poetry establishment. I think it's good to have lines that are complete clunkers, like the one that ends "the," but most should have some kind of frission. Not jokey or like a pun, but an interesting association or sound, that sounds like typical poetry or parodies it. What could keep a reader going in a poem like that are clues that reveal a standpoint on the languag. I think I could do more to make this a commentary on the commericalism of language -- what's the difference between poetry and commerce? Does an ad work like a poem and vice versa? If I took that into account in my revision, it might work.
I don't want too much order, though, because then the unexpectedness might be steamrolled out. Some of it has to remain inexplicable, I think.
I apologize for screwing up your name and the grammar lapses. I was typing quickly and just wanted to posted.
When I'm a reader of this kind of poem, or any poem, I'm trying to figure out how to enjoy it. I need a "way in" to it. So, does "Bed" provide that? I like how you imagined it, a dream landscape of titles and words I saw in my room from my bed. But is this work any more than a curiosity? Do you think about it later and come up with more revelations, deeper meanings? I suppose that's a test of a work.
I like thinking about the mix of the book receipt with the book titles. Commerce, consuming, literature, all sort of the same thing. I like the Sara Teasdale stuff. I think some lines fall flat because they're just boring titles/words. But is having that ugliness part of the text reality I'm trying to show? I could be over-thinking this. Does this poem compare to flarf and other Internet developed poems?
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