Jack the Elbow

Jack the Elbow is a big man, in stature and in girth. He can eat more flapjacks at one time than anyone on the planet earth. His beard has its own space station; his blue ox is named Jesus. His body is a temple he's defiled many times. Ladies love him, come from miles around just to smell his ink. His poems are undeniably the work of genius, said a kindergarten class taught by William Gass. If he was a tree, he would be a mighty Redwood with the heart of a weeping willow. Men also love him, he's secure in his sexuality, he lets them kiss him and that's all. Children read his collectible cards, his publishing credits on the back, along with choice editors' opinions. Lemons grow sweet when he's around; onions stop making everyone cry. He bought the world a Coke which caused acid reflux disease. He's a danger to the environment; one day the world will be drowned in rejection slips. In the Bible he is known as Daniel, in Greek myth as Pan, and the Pacific Islanders called him "He-Who-Can-Eat-Thousands-of-Coconuts-Without-Throwing-Up." His new book is being published in heaven, along with "Howl" and "Chicken Soup for the Poets' Soul." His biography is being written as we speak.